|Samberries

New Blog

Oh hayy. If y’all are following me on this blog and would like to continue following me, I’ll be more active on my new blog Something Sane For Once. It’s not much different but I wanted it less cluttered and random. Cool.

I am the patron saint of lost causes.

Waking up

to the sound of your dating housemates having sex is one of the most non-awesome things ever.

I do not know why, but I felt antisocial today. I just wanted to be alone, even in this house of three other people. But the contradiction was that I was also feeling lonely, and the way to solve loneliness is to be around people. What conflicting ideas. My friend Colin supposes that maybe I’m so lonely that I don’t want to see anyone to perpetuate the loneliness. Or that maybe I’m so antisocial that I wanted someone to break it. I don’t think it’s that, though. I think he’s thinking a little more on the extreme side. Or too much into it.

Anyhow, I decided to put on a movie called Rachel Getting Married, with Anne Hathaway. It just made me more depressed, really. But it was also quite enjoyable to watch. For example, in this movie, things get reeeaall. Some real talk happening here. It was about a girl named Kym (Anne) who was a drug addict. One day, she got super stoned before driving and got into a car accident with her little brother. He died. The movie, though, begins with Kym leaving rehab and going back home where her sister, Rachel, is preparing for her marriage. Their parents are divorced and both remarried. We begin to see the dysfunction of the family. Misunderstandings arise and issues get rekindled and heated. It’s a happy ending, in a conventional sense: no one parts hating each other. But the ending does makes you feel like something is missing. Somewhat like there is a lack of closure. I enjoyed the movie ‘cause it was very raw and very real. Extreme, frustrating, and emotional, yet unexaggerated.

I continued the rest of the day looking for things I could do alone and rejecting invitations to more social activities. Made dinner, ate it in my room. Cleaned my room. Sat in my room. Passively browsed the internet. Sat at my desk. What will become of me? Maybe assessments can be made at the start of a new day.